A Community of Hope
Do you listen to podcasts? I have a few on my favorites list that I try to religiously listen to every week.
To be honest, they are usually the first thing I turn on, right after my computer, every morning, when I am getting ready to work.
I try to pick the ones that fill up my cup, whether that be a podcast designed for business, self-growth, Faith, moms, etc. Life is hard sometimes, and it’s important to try to maintain our own equilibrium so we don’t lose ourselves amidst all of the chaos and craziness of everyday life.
One of my favorite podcasts is “The Christy Wright” show, formerly known as “Business Boutique”. She is a certified business coach and a Ramsey Personality in the Dave Ramsey Network. Not only does she help women successfully run and grow their business, she has incorporated her faith and a self-growth mindset to her podcasts.
Whenever I turn on her latest episode, it never ceases to surprise me that there seems to be a message in there just for me. In episode 18, her episode is titled “Don’t Let THIS steal your Joy’ with Dr. John Delony.” I LOVED her message in this one. My biggest takeaway was “you have permission to feel your feelings.” What a powerful message!
I would like to share with you some notes that I took that really resonated with me, and that I felt might be something you were feeling, because I was there too. But I highly encourage you to listen to the whole thing, because maybe there is something in there that was meant just for you too.
“There is power in seeking out the community.”
I know we have said this time, and time again, but you don’t have to feel alone. One of the biggest reasons I am a part of this organization is because I want to help people, and I want you to know that there IS a support network out there for you. All you have to do is join us. It’s that easy, I promise. No judgements. Just a community of women who are struggling through the same season of life.
“It’s not the Olympics – your feelings are justified.”
We may all be in this same season of life, but every season has phases. Some may be just understanding infertility and are new in this journey, and some may be veterans, years in, and still hoping and praying for their hearts desire of a baby.
Having a “scarcity mindset”
Just because I am not pregnant and my friend is, doesn’t mean that I won’t or shouldn’t be happy for them. We should be able to congratulate others without feeling defensive or having a scarcity mindset.”
This one is a tough one, I know. It is SO hard not to ask the “whys”. I personally made a commitment to myself to never ask that question because one – I tried to keep my faith in that God already knew why and sometimes it’s not for us to know; two – because asking why and being upset isn’t going to change my pregnancy state; three - when we do become pregnant, don’t we want to just shout it to the whole world!
We want everyone to know that it is FINALLY HAPPENING! And isn’t it so exciting?! YES! You bet it is. But don’t get me wrong, being happy for someone doesn’t mean that you can’t or aren’t hurting on the inside.
Being happy for someone else is showing your support for them and their happiness too, just like you would want them to do for you. I have a personal experience in this one in so many regards and I know, it’s not an easy task to throw on that smile when your heart is aching on the inside.
“You have permission to feel what you’re feeling”
This one hit me the hardest. Her specific example talked about having a miscarriage at 5 weeks vs. 5 months, and that regardless of time, that pain is still there. You see, this is where I thought she was specifically talking to me.
In our first miscarriage, I was about 5 weeks along, and I felt guilty for feeling such intense pain when talking to someone else who was farther along than me. But a baby is a baby. When that test shows up with two lines, you are pregnant. That is it, end of story.
So yes, there are other pains that go with seeing the heartbeat one week, and then not seeing it the next. I, too, have experienced this. But it doesn’t mean that my heartache at the loss of our first miscarriage was any less or unjustified. They are both babies turned angels of ours in heaven, waiting for us to join them some day.
Our stories, our journeys, they are our own, and by sharing them with each other they are not meant to be offensive or unjust, but rather to give you hope and encouragement. There will be good days, and there will be bad days.
But at the end of the day, and all the way through, it’s ok to feel what you feel, and it’s ok to feel more than one emotion at the same time.So take note of those feelings. Write them down if it helps. And know that there is still hope for you and the family you so desire, regardless of where your journey is compared to someone else’s.